It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
