just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize