so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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