I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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