and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
