Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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