She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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