I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
