I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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