sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
