At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
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I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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