Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
