you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
