god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
