Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
