I would do horrible things to your vagina.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?