So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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