kristin has been a bad kristin
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me