Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How does it feel to date your dad?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
