he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
