turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize