somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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