so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
