You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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