oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
