it's too hot outside to masturbate.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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