guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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