1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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