Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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