The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
