I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
