And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
