Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Farmville is her only friend.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
