what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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