She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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