this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
