Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
