There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
