i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
