I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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