We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
