The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize