I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!