**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.