when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more