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Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Randomize
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