With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate