we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!