Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Did I show you my penis last night?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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