I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
