I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
