I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
