Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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