New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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