All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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