So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
