She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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