We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
