I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
