where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
