I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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