either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
