I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
