you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
