He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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