My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
