well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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