Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Less talking, more tequila
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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