Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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