so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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