Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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