I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
