Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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