Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
