bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
